I'm always willing to learn, that's my motto. Well, not really, but for the purposes of today's post, I am.

I've been looking back on the past month or so and thinking about the lessons that I've learned:

If you love something, set it free, etc. etc. When applied to cats, my cat in particular the saying goes more like "if you love something, let him run away for two and a half weeks and when you get a phone call in the middle of the night from animal control telling you that your cat is stuck under a construction site, go on over there and bring him back home."

))<>(( forever.

People at work don't necessarily know that you find it amusing to refer to people as being *racist* for totally inappropriate reasons. They will think you are serious and give you looks. Which probably means they are racist.

Don't use a microplane while drunk. You will slice off a portion of your thumb and it will bleed a lot. It will be worth it, though, because your gruyere will be grated and fluffy.

Also, don't do things involving can openers while drunk because a week after your thumb heals from the microplane you will slice it open on the jagged can. This will involve even more blood, but surprisingly, won't hurt at all. Ultimately you will decide that slicing your thumb open in order to open a can of Trader Joe's vegetable soup is not worth it, even if it does contain flax seeds.

Cute flirty notes from cute flirty girls are friggin cute.

Okay, really, just don't do any cooking after more than one drink.

It is not called the "iPod Nemo" no matter how much that may sound like "iPod Nano"

The word "akimbo" does not mean "flailing"