Last night I watched the Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson. I watch all the Roasts, with the same sort of horrified fascination I watch the San Francisco police deal with the homeless. It was entirely predictable and largely boring, and I found myself writing my own roast jokes. This is easy, in part because everyone did jokes on the same variations:
Jimmy Kimmel = not funny
Courtney Love = crazy and strung out
Sarah Silverman = sleeping with Jimmy Kimmel
Lisa Lampanelli = fat
Eddie Griffin & Dennis Rodman = black
Andy Dick = gay and strung out
Bea Arthur = old and manly
Tommy Lee = not talented, but well-endowed
Pamela Anderson = not talented, but well-endowed
And then the guys all followed up their bits by going up to Pamela Anderson and returning her offers of handshakes by co-ercing her to hug them.
My point being, comedy is as comedy does. It never really surprises me.
However, if I were roasting Pamela, I would have included the following two jokes:
1. Jimmy Kimmel. You're doing a great job hosting this event. Let me define "great job" in this context. You're doing as well as you do with any of the crap I've seen you in. Which isn't much. Well, I kind of enjoyed you on Total Request Live. Something about being surrounded by screaming 13-year-olds gives you that certain je ne sais quoi (which is French for "I don't know what"). And speaking of surrounding yourself with 13-year-old girls, let's talk about Sarah Silverman... (etc. etc.)
2. Pamela Anderson. A lot of people wonder why it's Pamela Anderson being roasted. I mean, when I think about who should have the honor and privilege of being the FIRST woman to be roasted like this, I immediately think of Pamela Anderson and all she's contributed to the field of stand-up comedy. I guess most of those contributions were unintentional, but still. I've thought about it a little bit and I guess it does make sense, though. I mean, when it comes down to it, most of stand-up comedy is basically a white male circle-jerk. I guess this just gives all of them something to cum on.
Jimmy Kimmel = not funny
Courtney Love = crazy and strung out
Sarah Silverman = sleeping with Jimmy Kimmel
Lisa Lampanelli = fat
Eddie Griffin & Dennis Rodman = black
Andy Dick = gay and strung out
Bea Arthur = old and manly
Tommy Lee = not talented, but well-endowed
Pamela Anderson = not talented, but well-endowed
And then the guys all followed up their bits by going up to Pamela Anderson and returning her offers of handshakes by co-ercing her to hug them.
My point being, comedy is as comedy does. It never really surprises me.
However, if I were roasting Pamela, I would have included the following two jokes:
1. Jimmy Kimmel. You're doing a great job hosting this event. Let me define "great job" in this context. You're doing as well as you do with any of the crap I've seen you in. Which isn't much. Well, I kind of enjoyed you on Total Request Live. Something about being surrounded by screaming 13-year-olds gives you that certain je ne sais quoi (which is French for "I don't know what"). And speaking of surrounding yourself with 13-year-old girls, let's talk about Sarah Silverman... (etc. etc.)
2. Pamela Anderson. A lot of people wonder why it's Pamela Anderson being roasted. I mean, when I think about who should have the honor and privilege of being the FIRST woman to be roasted like this, I immediately think of Pamela Anderson and all she's contributed to the field of stand-up comedy. I guess most of those contributions were unintentional, but still. I've thought about it a little bit and I guess it does make sense, though. I mean, when it comes down to it, most of stand-up comedy is basically a white male circle-jerk. I guess this just gives all of them something to cum on.
Alana wrote this crap at
4:10 PM
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