"I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer"
-- Diddy

Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy. Whatever. Thank you for considering my feelings. I mean, I'm not a fan, but I can see that if I were I would really be befuddled. The removal of that one letter, nay, one WHOLE syllable removes so much distance. I can now chant in unison with all of your other fans. "DIDDY! DIDDY! DIDDY!" I'd like to take it one step further, though. Have you considered the simple "D"? I really think that would be a breakthrough moment. Like, probably it would bring your fans so much closer you'd have to get an even bigger house.

Also, I'm pretty sure there's an R. Kelly joke in there somewhere, but I'm feeling a little lazy. I can't write all the jokes myself. I have to leave some for Adam Corolla.