I've been busily updating my promo materials and business cards and crap like that. The last time I did this involved getting new headshots, which meant that everyone who came in contact with me for the next two weeks received an autographed headshot, regardless of their expressed (lack of) desire.

My current promo items are hot cards that feature my hot face, my hot url and tell you of the hotness that is my rocking you like a deadpan hurricane.

I say this to warn you that if you come within fifteen feet of me once I get them you will be receiving a hot autograph.

This reminds me that I have been asked for my autograph twice. The first time was nine months into doing comedy from the mother of a fellow comic. The second was after a kinda hellish gig that I did with Peter Dutton and Mike Birbiglia in front of a particularly elderly audience of no more than thirty people in which my ten minute set netted a total of no more than two audible chuckles. After the show ended a couple of women came up to me for my hot-ograph.

"We LOVED you!"
"Why didn't you laugh?"