I’ve decided to question my sexuality. I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided that I should become a straight. I blame Joaquin Phoenix. Probably all boys are exactly like I imagine Joaquin Phoenix to be: sensitive and caring, protective without attempting to undermine my own strength, sexy, good forearms, a little bit of a belly and having hott eyes. I’ve reviewed my previous experiences with boys and have determined that none of them are like Mr. Phoenix, but I think that this must have been due to strange cycles with the moon or something. Probably right now all boys are like Joaquin. I told my girlfriend that I’m going to marry Joaquin. I’ve asked her to think about where we can put him after the ceremony.