I'll win the gold.
My girlfriend has told me that I cannot get a sex-change operation for the sole purpose of become an Olympic Male Gymmie. This is incredibly short-sighted on her part, for reasons I haven't yet determined, but given the boundaries imposed upon me, I have decided that I'll settle instead for Female Gymmie Champion of Our House!
And here is the routine that brought me the gold (aka a hand-delivered cocktail) this weekend:
First of all, please note that this routine was performed in full makeup (with glitter!), red white & blue costume and "USA" written on my arm. My musical choice was "Copa Cabana".
My routine had a dramatic beginning. The drumming of "Copa Cabana" began as I am lay on the ground; The volume rose and I lifted my hands up, doing spirit fingers in the air. I then sat up into boat pose and waved my fingers in front of my eyes. I then rolled over into a low pushup and came to standing--with FLAIR. I then did pony-dancing back to the "corner of the mat" (which was actually the grass in the yard, but whatever).
As Mr. Manilow began singing I did the little arm lift with smile and began my all-out run which led into my first tumbling pass. Here's where it gets really good, folks. My first tumbling pass was: three somersaults followed by shoulder stand, followed by plow pose and then sitting up to do arm embellishments, a little pushup into standing and then I stuck my landing!
From there i did some important dance elements and then the required triple spin (for which I received a slight deduction for being off-center. But really, when you think of everything I had to overcome to even be at that competition...) I then dance-elemented over to the other corner, at which point I prepared for my 2nd tumbling pass. I ran and did a cartwheel into a roundoff into a cartwheel into a roundoff and stuck my landing! (Please note that all four of these elements looked exactly the same because I can neither cartwheel nor roundoff.)
And then dance element dance element back to the corner.
From here I closed big, with my homage to men's gymmie: I dropped from standing into a pushup and then I did the floor pommel horse crap and then I finished on my side with spirit fingers and a smile.
I then stood up panting, bowed to the judges, got off the floor, hugged my coach and watched the instant replay until my score was revealed.
9.75!!!!
My shoulders are sore today.
My girlfriend has told me that I cannot get a sex-change operation for the sole purpose of become an Olympic Male Gymmie. This is incredibly short-sighted on her part, for reasons I haven't yet determined, but given the boundaries imposed upon me, I have decided that I'll settle instead for Female Gymmie Champion of Our House!
And here is the routine that brought me the gold (aka a hand-delivered cocktail) this weekend:
First of all, please note that this routine was performed in full makeup (with glitter!), red white & blue costume and "USA" written on my arm. My musical choice was "Copa Cabana".
My routine had a dramatic beginning. The drumming of "Copa Cabana" began as I am lay on the ground; The volume rose and I lifted my hands up, doing spirit fingers in the air. I then sat up into boat pose and waved my fingers in front of my eyes. I then rolled over into a low pushup and came to standing--with FLAIR. I then did pony-dancing back to the "corner of the mat" (which was actually the grass in the yard, but whatever).
As Mr. Manilow began singing I did the little arm lift with smile and began my all-out run which led into my first tumbling pass. Here's where it gets really good, folks. My first tumbling pass was: three somersaults followed by shoulder stand, followed by plow pose and then sitting up to do arm embellishments, a little pushup into standing and then I stuck my landing!
From there i did some important dance elements and then the required triple spin (for which I received a slight deduction for being off-center. But really, when you think of everything I had to overcome to even be at that competition...) I then dance-elemented over to the other corner, at which point I prepared for my 2nd tumbling pass. I ran and did a cartwheel into a roundoff into a cartwheel into a roundoff and stuck my landing! (Please note that all four of these elements looked exactly the same because I can neither cartwheel nor roundoff.)
And then dance element dance element back to the corner.
From here I closed big, with my homage to men's gymmie: I dropped from standing into a pushup and then I did the floor pommel horse crap and then I finished on my side with spirit fingers and a smile.
I then stood up panting, bowed to the judges, got off the floor, hugged my coach and watched the instant replay until my score was revealed.
9.75!!!!
My shoulders are sore today.
Alana wrote this crap at
11:23 AM
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