My girlfriend left me to my own devices for a long weekend. She went out of town Friday morning and came back last night. When she left she gave me three helpful suggestions:

1. Don't forget to feed the cat at night
2. Don't stay out too late
3. Don't have an affair

Number one I did really well. Number two she doesn't need to know anything about. Number three I think I did a pretty good job. I mean, I didn't have any affairs, although I did touch boobies with a few girls. I don't think that counts, though.