I know that people have these very glamorous and sexy ideas of what it's like to be a lesbian, and I'd really hate to dispel those notions, but...

First of all, neither my girlfriend nor I have long hair or fingernails. I mean, sometimes one or both of us has long-for-us fingernails, but that usually only happens because we've forgotten to trim them. Our nails are never painted red.

We have never accidentally hot-oil wrestled. I don't really forsee this as happening, either. We never really have enough oil on hand and we also don't have a plastic kiddie pool.

People tend to think that being a woman automatically means that you know everything women want or need. This is mostly true, but it doesn't automatically mean your good at doing those things. I, for example, am still unable to undo bra clasps. 28-year-old lesbians and high school boys seem to have a lot in common.