Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about just what it is that I think is the best thing ever in the whole world. In the past I have put both nipple clamps and ice cream in that position, but really, the first was for comic effect and the latter was to convince my girlfriend to walk into Davis Square and bring us back some ice cream.

This morning I thought I would really get to the bottom of it. I thought about my life, from as far back as I can remember. I thought about all of the things that have brought me joy at specific times--Dr. Seuss, Garbage Pail Kids, Golden Grahams, Jello Pudding Pops--and the things that have brought me joy through time--puppy dogs, Paul Simon, Trout Fishing in America, macaroni and cheese. I thought about the things that bring me joy currently--sleeping in and paid time off.

After all of this thinking, I have narrowed down the list of the best things ever in the world to the following three things: kisses, my mom's cookies and women's roller derby.