When you go to Chicago:
Leave on a Thursday evening, but take the whole day off of work, even though you don't really need to. Schedule a massage appointment with your massage therapist who has the same name as a sit-com star. You will pack on Wednesday night and get tired of waiting around in the snowy rain of Thursday morning. Go to Trader Joe's and Pemberton Farms to pick up snacks and sandwiches for the plane ride.
When you get to the airport your girlfriend's friend, A will be there to pick you up. You'll go to the baggage carousel and your girlfriend will push up to the front and grab your bags as you point them out to her. The car will smell like take-out and you will get hungry. When you get to their house it will smell vaguely cinnamon-y. They will give you the tour and tell you that you will be sleeping in their room. You will sit down to eat take out. After take out, the apple sour cream pie that J made will be dessert, along with spiked apple cider. There will be chit-chat and then it is bed time.
In the morning A will drop you and your girlfriend off downtown where you will walk around for the next five hours with your nose in a guidebook so you can find the sculptures of Picasso, Miro and Calder. You will eat life-altering Mexican food and then walk up to the Museum of Surgical Sciences where you will look at kidney stones. You will take the bus and the El. You will meet back up with A&J and go out for dinner before going to the Green Mill to listen to afro-cuban jazz. You and the people at your table will all have differing opinions on which scene of High Fidelity takes place at the Green Mill.
You will wake up the next morning and go for an hour-long jog along the river. The four of you will then pile into the car and drive over to the Robie House where you will learn about Frank Lloyd Wright and be disappointed that it is in such disrepair. You will walk around the gothic buildings of the University of Chicago. Then you will drive over to dinner. You will go to a Hearty Fall Harvest party in which everyone wears their heartiest fall clothes and tells stories of the times when they were the most and least hearty.
The next morning you will go for a jog around the neighborhood. You will come back and the girls will have made brunch. It will be delicious. The four of you will want to know more about the so-called Frank Lloyd Wright and so you will go to his home & studio in Oak Park. You will think that your tour guide is bizarre. You will walk down the block to the family ice cream restaurant, where you will get a chocolate malt, your girlfriend will get 2 scoops of ice cream, A will get a giant caramel apple, and J will get a miniature turtle. An hour later you will arrive at dinner, but you will have all jumped up and down several times in order to digest all of your ice cream in time. Next you will all head over to Second City to see sketch and improv.
The following morning is your last one there. You will get up, jog and then eat breakfast. A will drive you to a sandwich shop to pick up food for the plane ride home and then take you to the airport. The trip back will be unremarkable and easy. When you get home you will notice that your cat is acting funny and your friend who watches him will tell you that he ran off on Saturday and didn't come back until that morning.
You will keep an eye on the cat and he will start to run a fever. You will notice that he has some dried blood in the spot where he is licking. You will take him to the animal hospital and they will think that he has an infected wound. They will hand you an estimate of $800 and keep him overnight. You will sleep poorly and be glad when the vet calls at 6am because it gives you a reason to stop having nightmares. She will tell you that he is doing better, that he needed to be sedated, needed an IV and was shaved. The wound was infected and had abcessed and so they drained it and stitched it up and gave him a drain. He will need a rabies booster and to have the drain removed in three days. You will pick him up at 7am along with his cone-head.
You and your girlfriend will be amazed at the size of his wound and try thirteen times to get him to swallow his pill. You will then put his conehead on him and watch him bump into walls.
And that, is why I haven't posted until today.
Leave on a Thursday evening, but take the whole day off of work, even though you don't really need to. Schedule a massage appointment with your massage therapist who has the same name as a sit-com star. You will pack on Wednesday night and get tired of waiting around in the snowy rain of Thursday morning. Go to Trader Joe's and Pemberton Farms to pick up snacks and sandwiches for the plane ride.
When you get to the airport your girlfriend's friend, A will be there to pick you up. You'll go to the baggage carousel and your girlfriend will push up to the front and grab your bags as you point them out to her. The car will smell like take-out and you will get hungry. When you get to their house it will smell vaguely cinnamon-y. They will give you the tour and tell you that you will be sleeping in their room. You will sit down to eat take out. After take out, the apple sour cream pie that J made will be dessert, along with spiked apple cider. There will be chit-chat and then it is bed time.
In the morning A will drop you and your girlfriend off downtown where you will walk around for the next five hours with your nose in a guidebook so you can find the sculptures of Picasso, Miro and Calder. You will eat life-altering Mexican food and then walk up to the Museum of Surgical Sciences where you will look at kidney stones. You will take the bus and the El. You will meet back up with A&J and go out for dinner before going to the Green Mill to listen to afro-cuban jazz. You and the people at your table will all have differing opinions on which scene of High Fidelity takes place at the Green Mill.
You will wake up the next morning and go for an hour-long jog along the river. The four of you will then pile into the car and drive over to the Robie House where you will learn about Frank Lloyd Wright and be disappointed that it is in such disrepair. You will walk around the gothic buildings of the University of Chicago. Then you will drive over to dinner. You will go to a Hearty Fall Harvest party in which everyone wears their heartiest fall clothes and tells stories of the times when they were the most and least hearty.
The next morning you will go for a jog around the neighborhood. You will come back and the girls will have made brunch. It will be delicious. The four of you will want to know more about the so-called Frank Lloyd Wright and so you will go to his home & studio in Oak Park. You will think that your tour guide is bizarre. You will walk down the block to the family ice cream restaurant, where you will get a chocolate malt, your girlfriend will get 2 scoops of ice cream, A will get a giant caramel apple, and J will get a miniature turtle. An hour later you will arrive at dinner, but you will have all jumped up and down several times in order to digest all of your ice cream in time. Next you will all head over to Second City to see sketch and improv.
The following morning is your last one there. You will get up, jog and then eat breakfast. A will drive you to a sandwich shop to pick up food for the plane ride home and then take you to the airport. The trip back will be unremarkable and easy. When you get home you will notice that your cat is acting funny and your friend who watches him will tell you that he ran off on Saturday and didn't come back until that morning.
You will keep an eye on the cat and he will start to run a fever. You will notice that he has some dried blood in the spot where he is licking. You will take him to the animal hospital and they will think that he has an infected wound. They will hand you an estimate of $800 and keep him overnight. You will sleep poorly and be glad when the vet calls at 6am because it gives you a reason to stop having nightmares. She will tell you that he is doing better, that he needed to be sedated, needed an IV and was shaved. The wound was infected and had abcessed and so they drained it and stitched it up and gave him a drain. He will need a rabies booster and to have the drain removed in three days. You will pick him up at 7am along with his cone-head.
You and your girlfriend will be amazed at the size of his wound and try thirteen times to get him to swallow his pill. You will then put his conehead on him and watch him bump into walls.
And that, is why I haven't posted until today.
Alana wrote this crap at
10:29 AM
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