No part of me can imagine why none of my friends have informed me of our need to go on a road trip to visit the mermaids of Weeki Wachee.

I consider my long-standing ignorance of this magical place to be yet another example of all that is wrong with the world. I mean here I am, going through life for twenty-seven years thinking things like, "I wonder if I'll ever be able to see the Great Wall of China" or "How come I'm the only one who hasn't been to Iceland" and all this time I could have been damn visiting the damn mermaids of the damn Weeki Wachee. Dammit.