My hair is so soft and nice to the touch. Thank you Redkin. And thank you R**** for not liking the Redkin product all that much and then giving it to me. And thank you Miracle Oil Moisturizer for running out so that I could begin my use of Redkin. And thank you ice cream for existing.

P.S. Please don't ask me if you can touch my hair. I will think you are racist.