Whenever I go see big famous stand-up comics--the ones who play at the big halls on their tours--I always have this fantasy in the back of my head that their opening act will fall ill, and someone will ask, "Does anyone have an 8-10 minute set?" And I would raise my hand and come onstage and I would kill and it would be the beginning of my new touring career as an opener for whichever standup comedian I am seeing that night. I'm still not quite sure why that didn't happen when I saw Ellen on Saturday. I can't wait until I have a big dyke following. I love the lezzies.