Johnny Cash is on the radio and I am handing out backhanded compliments. My dad is the funniest man alive even though he doesn't know how to listen anymore. My mom is hard but shows her softness through little things, like Easter baskets and silly email forwards. My girlfriend wanders around the house in atrocious combinations of socks and panties, but has the cutest cheeks and armpits and is a master of sympathy and kisses. J***e always has to explain herself when her jokes miss, but she can always be trusted to speak her mind in a gentle and compassionate way. B**** is so in love it's gross, but she can put sentences together in a way that makes my bones ache. Martha has the ability to piss me off almost as as Jenya but she can make me laugh hard enough that I can't speak twenty times a day. T****** rolls up her sleeves and scoops up the best words of wisdom and advice, even when I didn't ask. Z** lives too far away but knows how to make the girl-talk on the phone like nobody else in this world. B***** talks too much, but 37.27% of his ramblings are pure genius. R**** is my favorite person to have around when we're both drinking, especially because she cries so easily. M*** has an uncanny ability to remember the things that I've accomplished with greater accuracy than I do, pretty impressive for a Jew.