I don't think I deal well with the future. It stresses me out and makes me feel unsettled and miserable. It makes me think that I need to fix everything that is going wrong now in order to prepare for the future that I have created in my imagination. The future is uncertain, I guess, and anything that passes through the filter of my imagination develops a film of panic. I don't have an ideal future. I don't have an ideal place I want to be or an ideal career or an ideal life picture. And this is never a problem for me until I am confronted with making decisions about my so-called future.

I find the past to be a little difficult too. I don't remember it realistically. All of the good things were better than chocolate. People were perfect angels who never made any mistakes and I was indestructible and fearless. OR, I was selfish and made every possible wrong decision and the people around me were manipulative monsters with no redeeming qualities and why did I waste those months of my life keeping them around. And why didn't I just deal with that conversation THIS way. And why didn't I take dance classes when I was a child. And what about prom, Blaine. What about PROM.

One might think that this would leave the present as my ideal tense. And I guess it is. I go in for the immediate gratification a lot. I don't think about future ramifications too much. But it's not as if I've reached anything remotely akin to the Zen way of being in the moment. It's more that I'm happiest when I'm just doing what I'm doing and not putting it into context. Who needs context anyway?