This morning as I was jogging I was thinking that the source of all of my problems is not sleeping with the mattress pad heater on, but rather that I don't do the things I say I'm going to do; the things for myself. If I were to tell YOU that I would do something for YOU, I would get that done, but the things for me I let slide. This is a new-ish development, one from the last three or four years. So this morning I decided that when I tell myself I want to do something I need to just do it, even the little things like getting out of bed on time. I guess I should be honest, I didn't think about this as I was jogging, because as I was jogging I was thinking why why why why why in time to my feet hitting the pavement. I was thinking this after I finished jogging and was cool-down-walking.

The point being, that I decided that if I say I am going to leave for work at 7:20am, I should actually leave work at 7:20am. One might think that this would be an empowering decision, but instead it was a decision that at 7:20am had me in a panic because I couldn't decide if it was more important to leave at 7:20am or to put some friggin yogurt and grapenuts into a tupperware to bring to work for breakfast. I decided on packing breakfast. 7:22am I remembered that I hadn't put the newspaper in my bag. 7:24am I remembered I didn't have my cell phone. At 7:25am I was arguing with the cat about whether or not he should go outside or stay inside to eat some food. And at 7:26am I locked the door behind me and stormed over to the subway station.

I should point out that throughout this six minute period, Jenya had to listen to my inner monologue which was being delivered in the voice of a two-year-old whose mother wouldn't give her ice cream.