If you loved me, you would have made me an omelet this morning, and buttermilk biscuits, and coffee. And you would have put the newspaper on the table, too. And you would have called my boss to say I couldn't come in to work today because I am a superstar and can't be expected to care about such things as work on a day like today. And you, too, would have stayed home from work. And we would have wandered around the house in our pajamas until it was time to go into the square to rent porno for the new DVD player, and also you would let me rent Crossroads because today would be the day that you would accept the brilliance that is Britney into your life. And I would make snowballs and throw them at you, and you would throw one back at me and it would hit me and I would be mad. And then we would go back home and try to make a snowman in the yard, but it wouldn't work out and so we would make a snow left breast. And then we would make cocoa and drink it and eat girl scout cookies. We would turn the heat up in the house and fool around. If you loved me we would make soup for dinner and eat it at the table with the candles lit and Charlie Parker in the background because we would be just that classy.