If you happen to be around me the day that I decide I want to eat meat--which is unlikely--you would be best off providing me with one of the following meat foods:

- Sausage patties. The spicy kind from Louisiana that my grandmother used to bring back each year.
- Tuna melts. The kind that Annette, my babysitter used to make.
- Corned beef hash.
- Honey ham. The kind that Mama Jessie used to make with the cloves shoved in and the pineapple rings on it.
- Stuffing.
- French onion soup.
- Baked potato with cheese, chives, sour cream and bacon bits.
- BLT.
- Hot Links.
- Linguica and eggs.
- Crab Rangoon.
- Caviar and other roe.
- Fish that are not longer than I am tall.
- Fried Chicken. Only if made by my mom.
- Fish and Chips.
- That stuff. What IS that stuff? Dried Salami or something?
- Caterpillar roll. Unless it is made with big fish and I don't know it, then strike it from the record.
- Pork Chops.
- Chili. Or Frito Pie.
- Corn Dog!