After much observation, I have come up with a partial list of the differences between my girlfriend and me.

Item: She does most things in a ritualistic, thorough and deliberate manner, whereas I tend to do things in a last-minute and half-assed manner.

Item: She does not drink coffee unless she needs to stay awake and alert after 8pm, whereas I say I don't drink coffee, but in actuality drink a cup or two each day.

Item: She is Jewish, whereas I am not.

Item: She thinks of the word "weird" as an appropriate response to most statements, whereas I like to make fun of her for thinking of the word "weird" as an appropriate response to most statements.

Item: I like to write things and tell jokes on stage, whereas she would rather shoot herself in the foot than do either.

Item: She is clearly insane whereas I am lovable and normal.

Item: She likes to eat the flesh, muscle and fat of dead animals. She also likes to shorten the lives of dairy cows. Whereas I only like to shorten the lives of dairy cows.

Item: She likes red wine year-round whereas I generally prefer white wine in the summer.