Right now, the worst relationship I have is the one I have with my employer. If my company were a woman I would dump her. But I would probably keep having sex with her each time I saw her.

Every other week, senior management gathers the entire department, all 225 of us, into a room to give us an update on our short long-term future. Every other week it's the same update. We're outsourcing what you do, but we don't know to whom, and we don't really know when, and we don't really know whether or not you'll keep your jobs. We'll let you know more in two weeks. This week they told us what our retention packages would look like, and what the severance packages would look like, but they still can't tell us which 25 (yes, 25 of 225!) will not be offered those retention packages. I think that somewhere in their files they have a memo that says "Give retention packages to everyone but Alana and 24 other people."

If you see me on the street today offer me a Manhattan.